Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It only took 5 years but........

I have finally gotten my KitchenAid that I have been asking Dennis for, for the last 5 years! My grandparents sold us their barely used one for a great price. Dennis asked me to make him some homemade bread, receipe compliments of my friend Jen. I decided to make my homemade mac n cheese to go with that yummy french bread. I can't wait to make cookies, cupcakes and of course more bread!!!!!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

I am having a very difficult week...so what does one do when they are having a difficult week? Well, go to the temple of course. I have never had such a burning desire to go to the temple before until this week. It was our ward temple night on Friday night and it has been on my calendar and has been on my mind all week. Whenever I found myself down this week I said to myself, I need to go to the temple, I need to go to the temple. So lastnight I went to the temple with a full heart and I poured it all out to my Father In Heaven and I asked him to make my burden light.

The coolest thing happened last night and it was a very awesome spiritual experience. I have not been feeling very close to the Lord lately and I haven't been feeling the spirit very much. This has been very hard on me because I have felt alone and unguided at a time where I need our Heavenly Father more than ever. Before I got to the temple I said a prayer that I would be able to feel the spirit and know that I am not alone. For the purpose of keeping things sacred I am not going to go into detail but there was a point that I was reminded of my great grandmother, tears came to my eyes as I felt the spirit overwhelm me and then I was we were walking to one of the rooms, I saw an elderly woman come out of a room that looked exactly like my great grandmother, I had to do a double take, then again I felt the spirit again.

I left the temple feeling at peace. My Heavenly Father is aware of me and he is right there going through this with me. There must be some big lesson I am supposed to learn from all of this and slowly I am learning but I can't wait for my miracle to be in my arms. For now I will think about my baby being up there with our Father in Heaven waiting to come meet his parents.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I Just Want to be a Mommy!

Infertility SUCKS! It is even more difficult when friend after friend has baby after baby and you are left with empty arms. Next month marks our 4 year mark of trying to become parents....I really didn't think it would take this long. We have been working with our fertility specialist Dr. Binor out of Copley for almost a year and I absolutely adore the man! We started doing treatments in June of this year after years of just trying and waiting and talking about adoption. I just had an appointment with him a few weeks ago and he would like to move on to IVF. It scares me just because of all the meds you have to be on and having to go under to remove my eggs. I used to be afraid of doctors, needles and the thought of going under. When we first started this "infertility journey" I told myself I would not undergo IVF. Now 4 years later I am ready to go but a little nervous. It is funny how wanting something so bad makes you change the way you feel about it! The crappy thing about this whole situation is that I lost my job back in June, the job with killer almost to good to be true insurance that covered everything. Well Dennis new job offers insurance. However, said job's insurance does not cover infertility treatments, meaning I have to take Cobra from my previous employer totalling a whopping $500 a month just for me! Really! Why is this fair? Did we ask to not be able to have children the conventional way? Why do we have to pay oddles and oddles of money just to have a child of our own? There should be some relief given here, its not our fault.
So for the past 4 years, I have been a big emotional grump who is jealous of any pregnant woman that comes into my radius. I am hit with struggle after struggle to become a parent and sometimes I ask myself if I am ever going to get that chance? I just want to be a mommy!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Bon Jovi, My Cousins wedding & A Week with Cousins

Bride & Groom

My Aunts & I


Grandma & I

Me, Grandma & Aunt Trish

Bon Jovi

Representing the Hawks!

The cousins

...This blog apparently needs and update on what I have been up to lately. I feel as if summer has just started but somehow it is coming to end. I seriously don't know where in the world the time has gone! So it may appear that I have done nothing eventful this summer but alas, I have done it in true Tara fashion, cramming it all in at once! On July 30th, just a day after returning from girls camp, Dennis and I went to the Bon Jovi concert @ Soldier Field. This was the first time in our married life we have gone to a concert together and it was our first & only date night in July as Dennis has been extremely busy with work. Matter of fact, I think it was the only time in July that we got to a have a conversation that didn't involve falling asleep mid sentence! Our seats were so high up, we had a great few of Navy Pier. I LOVE the city at night. Bon Jovi put on a great show and it was nice to spend time with my hubby for a change.

Fast forward 2 days later to Sunday.....we attended the wedding of my cousin Anthony and his gorgeous bride, Elise. The ceremony was very nice and the reception was alot of fun.

The next morning I left to go spend a week with my cousins at my grandparents house. It was nice to just lay around and visit but I was happy to come home and sleep in my own bed, plus two weeks away from the hubby was starting to make me miss him. So there you have it folks, proof that I have been up to something lately!