Monday, November 10, 2008
Numbness
So I stayed home from work today because I just haven't been feeling like myself or been feeling 100%. I have had alot of stuff going on and I just feel numb. I guess it's because I have held everything inside and haven't talked to anyone about anything because that's just the type of person I am. Yesturday afternoon and tonight I received 2 phone calls from two women who serve in YW with me. They were calling to check on me because apparently I haven't been acting myself lately and they were just concerned. i just nudgeed it off as I was fine just dealing with a lot of stuff and wasn't feeling well. How come I get someone who I could possibly start talking to about my issues and I just try to play it off as I am fine. Am I ever going to be just fine? Am I ever going to stop feeling so numb about the fact that Dennis and I can't have children of our own? I am tired of feeling like I am not worthy enough or that I'm not good enough or I did something wrong to deserve this. Why would God make me a person who loves children a person who would make an awesome mom and then not give me that opportunity when there are people out there neglecting this great gift from God, people hurting even killing their children. It's just too hard to grasp and actually comprehend. So for now I will just go about life pretending that everything is o.k.
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3 comments:
Oh, baby, I'm so sorry you're feeling so numb. You know I love you and you know that there's a plan for you and Dennis. I'm here if you ever feel like not pretending everything's ok...
You don't know me but I know exactly how you are feeling. I promise once you talk to someone you'll feel a little more like yourself again at least for a little while until it all builds up again. I promise the best thing to do is to let it out. It will eat you alive if you don't. I have often time felt like I've done something wrong or I'm not doing something I'm suppose to be doing also. We have a loving Heavenly Father who is not here to punish us but to love us and be there for us. Whatever the plan for you and your family is just remember it'll happen in His time. Don't ya hate that. Good luck and you're not alone.
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